Looking down at my chest seeing my bra under the feminine dressmade me crazy, but I could not do anything about it seemed.Mary gave me a hug saying, "Ann, relax, don't fight your new life, youhave to change, you will change, just enjoy the journey."I could not believe the dining room. There must have been 30 girls or arethey boys all in the same pink lace dress I was wearing. Like uniformsfor everyone. Mary guided me to our table as I was about to faint. We satat a table with other girls or they could be boys. No one talked. I gotup enough courage and said, "help."Mary whispered in my ear, "Ann please do not speak. You are being a badgirl. Only talk when a matron talks to you. These other girls are justlike you, they will not speak until told to. Now be a good girl and eatyour breakfast.I felt so helpless. Staring at these other boys in the same dresses mademe want to throw up. I was getting sick. I had to figure a way to get offthis boat and free myself from this girly world.Bette. But I was sixteen. Not facing up to my responsibilities in relationships was a specialty of mine.Not that Becky and I had much of a relationship. It was kind of a budding one, I suppose, but I still had not given up hope that Kristina and I might be able to get back together, either. And Becks and I had never talked about boyfriends and girlfriends, and dating each other, and all that. But I had an idea of what her expectations might have been, and here I was, falling well short once again.I was fucked up, and there was no doubt about it.Monday was a rainy holiday, so Jake and I hid out at the shopping center. There was a new video game out, Pac-Man, and we spent all afternoon feeding quarters into the machine, taking turns with the joystick. It was mind numbing, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.Reality came crashing back down on me on Tuesday, however. It was a mild, sunny day, but there were thunderheads inside the school, evident every time I saw Becky. If looks could kill, I would.
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